Change is Happening...

       So a few days ago I finished my 4 years of university, and it is just starting to hit me that I will never have to go back to another lecture and tutorial and it is so strange. These 4 years have been the hardest thing I've ever had to do mentally, and it really took a toll on who I became as a person...
I am not saying I'm messed up, but I'm pretty messed up lol.
It is hard to explain but I developed general anxiety, and now that these 4 years of university are over I am anxious about not being able to figure out what I want my career to be. For the first time in my life, I am not going back to school in September and I'll hopefully have a job by then, but I am being thrown into adulthood as you are reading this.
Typically I can handle change, I am fine with change but moving back in with my parents and having to say goodbye to everyone I met at school is really hard. I am leaving my whole life that was a part of what defined me for 4 of the most critical years of my young adult life
Not having the stress about grades is great and all, but the stress about student loans and finding some sort of income to pay the thousands of dollars I owe is starting to set in and I am not going to lie, I am terrified. And on top of that the pressure and judgment I feel from the older generation about not being able to figure out what I want to do adds to that anxiety. I hate that adults around me feel as though they think that it should be easy. Life for them when they went to school was easier... not easy but easier. Good grades were much easier to obtain and the expectations were waaaaaaaay lower than they are now. Even getting a job right in your field of study 30 years ago was easy because there were jobs out there for students. That is how life worked... emphasis on the past tense because that is not how it works anymore and older people don't get that. And it is not even the point of getting a job, it is that I am so lost and have no clue what to do, and I know I have written about this already so I am not going to touch on it anymore.
It is hard being a young adult right now, I know I am not the only one going through a quarter-life crisis, but I don't know anyone close to me (geographically) who is also going through the same thing as me, or at least to the same extent. I don't vocalise how I am feeling too many, it makes me uncomfortable, and I prefer to bottle things up. Shocker.
But ya, rant over. Maybe someone reading this is going through something similar and can relate on some level.

Taylor xx.