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   Lately, I've been feeling as though I've been a disappointment to my parents. I've been out of uni for a month and have not done a whole lot since then. I am still struggling with finding a job that won't raise my anxiety. It is hard to explain to them how things make me feel. It seems like I can't do anything right anymore, I'm a screw-up, I can't remember to do things they ask me like little things around the house, nor do I care to. Mundane tasks seem like the biggest chore in the world when it is simply helping my mum clean around the house. I manage to do things out of guilt, I feel guilty that she has to work all day and come home to a messy house when I am here to clean up... every day.

I stay up way too late into the early hours of the morning and wake up in the late afternoon, I hardly eat and when I do its all the wrong things to consume. I don't have a schedule in my life and I feel as though I am failing everyone around me. I don't deserve the things I have and it sucks because yesterday I was happy and felt fine, but today it just took one phone call and the sound of disappointment in the voice on the other end of that call to put me in a spiral ofself-doubtt and hatred.
I'm turning 22 in 2 weeks and I feel like there is nothing to celebrate, this year has been utter hell mental health wise and I'm not sure how or I want to fix it... I have 0 motivation still. I do have good days, sometimes they are every other day, 2 days or a full week even, but it doesn't last long.
This isn't a very nice topic I know I seem down a lot,  but this passage is mostly just for me to write about my feelings.